Move In A Direction Of Progress

I need a new job. A better job than the one I am currently working. I need something that I do not resent having to wake up and go to in the morning. I need something that is full time, with health benefits, and oh yeah also pays more.
In order to obtain this job I must motivate myself to complete the mundane and tedious task of filling out job applications. I am setting my goal of a minimum one application per day of work and two on free days. So far this week I have filled out one application so needles to say I’m not meeting my goals.
I wish job applications weren’t so time consuming. Instead of filling out the same information over and over again I should be able to click a button saying I want this job and that information (having been filled out once before on my computer) should just fill in and allow me to make any changes if needed. I can save and upload my resume to these sites I should be able to do the same with those fill in the blank questions (which are pretty much answered for the most part from my resume).
Such as everything I’ve discovered in life, everything worth having requires some work. A better job should be no different.

Anyone Out There?

I write to get the thoughts out of my head. Sometimes I wonder if anyone reads these thoughts. Am I simply another tumblr blog floating in a sea of thousands being lost in the waves? Do my thoughts speak to empty rooms and scream in deaf ears? Or is there someone who stops and takes a glance at these rambling letters?

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Travel

I have been feeling unimportant latly in my relationship. Almost easily replaced by my lime green laptop and an online game. I have kept this to myself however, for fear of starting an argument and a much greater fear of losing him altogether. I understand that life will continue with or without him, but that isnt what I am afriad of. I am afraid of having to live a life knowing I will be alone. At least my soul will be, broken is what I actually feel like it would be if him and I ended. Knowing I need to tell him how I am feeling is important to having a real and honest relationship, I am glad to be able to have time away from him. Time to really miss him and time to consider my words to him. I want us to grow as people and as a couple, not just have an argument that solves nothing and acts as a catalyst for future arguments. I know he cares for me and doesnt want to lose me.
A small voice inside me though speaks true: “What if he doesnt miss me at all,not even a tiny bit? What if he isnt madly in love with me anymore?”

Second Place

How do you tell someone that you feel that you come in second in their life? Someone that you love and care deeply for. How do you tell that person that you don’t feel important to them, at least not more important than something else. Something not even living, just simply a thing. How?
I’m sure I’ve done things and at times made him feel like he came second. So how can I possibly complain? How can I tell him I don’t feel good enough? How do I tell him I’d like to be more important than a thing sometimes?
Better yet, how do I say this and not start a spat?

Just Stop

I get the color difference is there and apparent. I get being proud of heritage and ancestery. What I don’t get, nor want to really, is the need and some desire to contine to seperate. This doesn’t only apply to black people complaining about white people, this applies to ALL people. Understand that yes, race does sometimes need to be identified such as in cases of medical purposes because some illnesses are more prevalent in certain races. However, we are still people, human beings, and as a whole we need to stop separating ourselves based on our skin color, our sex, our gender, our race, our anything.

btchitoutspace:

I’m not sure where you live, but it snows here. A lot. Especially this winter it seems. Right now the county I live in is now under a Level 2 snow emergency. Since you may not know what that means I shall try to explain it for you.

Level 1: The roads are crappy. Snow covered and/or drifting…

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takethatchallenge:

I have decided on my first official challenge. I will be doing a year-long challenge of reading books that have been made into movies and also watching the movies they correspond with. Upon completion of reading the book and watching the movie I will be writing a review of the book and movie and…

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btchitoutspace:

The Facts:

  1. I’ve graduated from college, but haven’t found a job with my degree.
  2. I am living with my boyfriend, at his mother’s house.
  3. I have a very part-time job in retail, and I babysit on the side for one child.
  4. I feel overwhelmingly lost.

Life feels out of place at the moment. I have…

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takethatchallenge:

I have a good amount of free time on my hands and have come to find myself bored on a regular basis. I have decided I need a change in my life and what better way than to simply challenge it altogether. I will look for challenges to accomplish by way of Pinterest mostly, but if you decide to…

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Down The Rabit Hole

I’m going crazy locked up inside my mind; spending my days with only the company of a child. Looking for a job, but not working yet. Stressed over bills that cannot be paid with the fading money from my bank account. Wondering why I ever put myself in this position. 

To recap the last two months quickly. I was working, a job I didn’t really like, but I was working. I was paying my bills, barely, but they were getting paid. I was seeing my boyfriend when we made time, only one day a week, but we were still spending time together. I was living in my dad’s house, my old room, just my room really. My boyfriend and I each quit our jobs and moved to Virginia Beach so that I could have a better chance at finding a job that I might actually enjoy. We moved into my mother’s. Long story short, things didn’t work out and we packed up and left. Back in Ohio, we moved into his mother’s house, and now almost three weeks later he is back at his old job and I am looking for work while I watch his niece when her mom is working.

I clean, a lot. Dishes, windows, sweeping, vacuuming, sinks, toilets, and bath tubs, I clean it all. Over and over. I pick up toys, the same toys every day. The dishes seem never ending. Once they are all cleaned I turn and it seems they are all magically dirty again. The floors look like they’ve never been swept or vacuumed. The windows though seem to stay relatively clean. The bathroom, well, its clean-ish. I try to organize it, but that’s difficult to do when not everyone puts things away like me. My boyfriend wonders why I bother to make the bed everyday. To be honest I don’t know why I do, it just makes me feel better when I walk into the room and its clean with the bed made. I want to clean up the clutter, but it’s not mine. I’m slowly working on making space for it all, but still keeping it in mostly the same place so that everyone can still find it even though they don’t know where anything really goes. When I get the little one to lay down and stay in her room watching her movie and I’ve managed to clean up the mess and clear some clutter I feel accomplished and a little better and a little less stressed.

Still, I’m going crazy locked inside my mind. I want to complain, but I don’t have someone to complain to here. I don’t want to tell all of this to my boyfriend, because it seems petty and he will just tell me to shrug it off and not worry. Sometimes I wish I could be a little more like him and not worry so much. My best friends are still in North Carolina (and now Colorado), so I can only vent to them over text message. I don’t know their schedules so I never know when I can call and if it’s a good time. Since they are so far away I cannot even have a girls night in with some wine and have a vent session all around. I do have some friends up here in Ohio. However, they have jobs and families as well as other friends. Basically the same problem there, I never know when it’s a good time. So, I turn to you Tumblr. I will vent to no one and everyone at the same time. Get the thoughts freed from the cage of my mind. 

The only thing left to do is keep moving forward and see where this trail takes me. 

Thank you for listening.