I have been feeling unimportant latly in my relationship. Almost easily replaced by my lime green laptop and an online game. I have kept this to myself however, for fear of starting an argument and a much greater fear of losing him altogether. I understand that life will continue with or without him, but that isnt what I am afriad of. I am afraid of having to live a life knowing I will be alone. At least my soul will be, broken is what I actually feel like it would be if him and I ended. Knowing I need to tell him how I am feeling is important to having a real and honest relationship, I am glad to be able to have time away from him. Time to really miss him and time to consider my words to him. I want us to grow as people and as a couple, not just have an argument that solves nothing and acts as a catalyst for future arguments. I know he cares for me and doesnt want to lose me.
A small voice inside me though speaks true: “What if he doesnt miss me at all,not even a tiny bit? What if he isnt madly in love with me anymore?”

Second Place

How do you tell someone that you feel that you come in second in their life? Someone that you love and care deeply for. How do you tell that person that you don’t feel important to them, at least not more important than something else. Something not even living, just simply a thing. How?
I’m sure I’ve done things and at times made him feel like he came second. So how can I possibly complain? How can I tell him I don’t feel good enough? How do I tell him I’d like to be more important than a thing sometimes?
Better yet, how do I say this and not start a spat?

Just Stop

I get the color difference is there and apparent. I get being proud of heritage and ancestery. What I don’t get, nor want to really, is the need and some desire to contine to seperate. This doesn’t only apply to black people complaining about white people, this applies to ALL people. Understand that yes, race does sometimes need to be identified such as in cases of medical purposes because some illnesses are more prevalent in certain races. However, we are still people, human beings, and as a whole we need to stop separating ourselves based on our skin color, our sex, our gender, our race, our anything.


I’m not sure where you live, but it snows here. A lot. Especially this winter it seems. Right now the county I live in is now under a Level 2 snow emergency. Since you may not know what that means I shall try to explain it for you.

Level 1: The roads are crappy. Snow covered and/or drifting…

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I have decided on my first official challenge. I will be doing a year-long challenge of reading books that have been made into movies and also watching the movies they correspond with. Upon completion of reading the book and watching the movie I will be writing a review of the book and movie and…

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The Facts:

  1. I’ve graduated from college, but haven’t found a job with my degree.
  2. I am living with my boyfriend, at his mother’s house.
  3. I have a very part-time job in retail, and I babysit on the side for one child.
  4. I feel overwhelmingly lost.

Life feels out of place at the moment. I have…

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I have a good amount of free time on my hands and have come to find myself bored on a regular basis. I have decided I need a change in my life and what better way than to simply challenge it altogether. I will look for challenges to accomplish by way of Pinterest mostly, but if you decide to…

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Down The Rabit Hole

I’m going crazy locked up inside my mind; spending my days with only the company of a child. Looking for a job, but not working yet. Stressed over bills that cannot be paid with the fading money from my bank account. Wondering why I ever put myself in this position. 

To recap the last two months quickly. I was working, a job I didn’t really like, but I was working. I was paying my bills, barely, but they were getting paid. I was seeing my boyfriend when we made time, only one day a week, but we were still spending time together. I was living in my dad’s house, my old room, just my room really. My boyfriend and I each quit our jobs and moved to Virginia Beach so that I could have a better chance at finding a job that I might actually enjoy. We moved into my mother’s. Long story short, things didn’t work out and we packed up and left. Back in Ohio, we moved into his mother’s house, and now almost three weeks later he is back at his old job and I am looking for work while I watch his niece when her mom is working.

I clean, a lot. Dishes, windows, sweeping, vacuuming, sinks, toilets, and bath tubs, I clean it all. Over and over. I pick up toys, the same toys every day. The dishes seem never ending. Once they are all cleaned I turn and it seems they are all magically dirty again. The floors look like they’ve never been swept or vacuumed. The windows though seem to stay relatively clean. The bathroom, well, its clean-ish. I try to organize it, but that’s difficult to do when not everyone puts things away like me. My boyfriend wonders why I bother to make the bed everyday. To be honest I don’t know why I do, it just makes me feel better when I walk into the room and its clean with the bed made. I want to clean up the clutter, but it’s not mine. I’m slowly working on making space for it all, but still keeping it in mostly the same place so that everyone can still find it even though they don’t know where anything really goes. When I get the little one to lay down and stay in her room watching her movie and I’ve managed to clean up the mess and clear some clutter I feel accomplished and a little better and a little less stressed.

Still, I’m going crazy locked inside my mind. I want to complain, but I don’t have someone to complain to here. I don’t want to tell all of this to my boyfriend, because it seems petty and he will just tell me to shrug it off and not worry. Sometimes I wish I could be a little more like him and not worry so much. My best friends are still in North Carolina (and now Colorado), so I can only vent to them over text message. I don’t know their schedules so I never know when I can call and if it’s a good time. Since they are so far away I cannot even have a girls night in with some wine and have a vent session all around. I do have some friends up here in Ohio. However, they have jobs and families as well as other friends. Basically the same problem there, I never know when it’s a good time. So, I turn to you Tumblr. I will vent to no one and everyone at the same time. Get the thoughts freed from the cage of my mind. 

The only thing left to do is keep moving forward and see where this trail takes me. 

Thank you for listening.

30 ,er 32 Day Nail Art Challenge

I have decided to give myself a challenge that until a month ago I wasn’t able to start due to my work and the rule against nail polish. However since I no longer work there I am able to accept this challenge. The challenge is this: 30 days of nails. I’m going to alter it slightly and make it 32 days of nails. If you are able to and would like to join me in this challenge that’s awesome and here is what you need to know. Starting Monday (September 30) you are challenged to paint/design your nails differently until Halloween has passed. Now this is and should be more than simply painting them a different color each day. You should try to add designs to your nails and try different techniques. I will be attempting this challenge with some help from my pins on Pinterest and Internet searches. The next part of this challenge is the proof (or as much as one can actually give, a little bit of honesty will be required). Each day you will post a picture of your new nails online to show them off for everyone to enjoy or be inspired by. I think I will make an album dedicated to this challenge and list the nail polish and any other items used to achieve the designs. I look forward to this challenge and to see what y’all think of my nails. It would be cool to see your designs too if you choose to partake in this challenge or even just feel like sharing your nails randomly. Thanks and to those taking the challenge, good luck!

Feeling Misplaced

I’m the kind of person that plans everything. I feel safe with a plan. But right now I don’t have a plan. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life and what’s worse is I don’t have the motivation to do the things I had planned. I know where I want to end up I just need to make myself get there. I miss the friends I made in college. I know I should just go out and make new friends but I don’t know where to go and the people at work just aren’t the people I want to be friends with. I also find myself sitting on the outside or feeling like I’m on the outside. I feel like I don’t truly belong. I’ve got a lot to figure out. I need to find where I fit in this life. I don’t like feeling like the odd person out. 2012 was about endings without a doubt. I’ve got to start my new beginnings.